Who am I? I don’t mean in the literal sense, as if I cannot remember my name and other personal factual details assigned to my identity. What I am referring to is; how in the world did I ever end up where I am today and what is my purpose.
I am creeping up on a decade of tough decisions and experiences. Several recent situational conclusions have left me wondering if I am truly made of the fiber I once believed, or if I have disillusioned myself with a skewed sense of self. I believe myself to be a very polar person in my beliefs and morals. There is always a right and a wrong, at least 99% of the time and I try to align myself with what I believe is right.
The problem is when so many rights (I have fundamentally believed in, to the point of falling on my sword) have ultimately resulted in an outside finding of wrong or incconclusive, it leaves me wondering if I truly know the difference. A difference being uninfluenced by bias or personal experience. This is a challenging concept to consider or attempt to reconcile myself with, as I intentially try to extract the emotion from a logical and scientific approach.
I would never even subtly hint that I have not been or done something wrong. Many times, wrong is much easier and convenient than choosing the solemn road of right. In the end though, this option generally leaves a feeling similar to a punch in the gut and also leaves me restless.
I am now left with the personal delimna of defining or re-defining ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. With age we learn from our pasts the experiences of ourselves and others. Upon consideration and close examination of these options; I am still left, here wandering alone, asking “Who Am I?”